b-a-k-a-s-y-o-n
its almost over... and i hate it!
its almost over... and i hate it!
let me be, for after chaos is order...
and i dont intend to do something about it, ill just let time to work its way through it. not that its not worth the effort, not that i dont know where to start, not that i dont know what to do. its just that, ive come to a realization, that sometimes, you just have to be at halt. let it worry for it self, and allow serendipity to unfold its mystery. and when everything falls in place, thats when you act, and not allow it to be in a mess again... for when order takes place, who would want to be back where he was... and i certainly wouldnt...
waaah! sakit na ng ulo ko, parang hinde ko na kaya... ang hirap! habang ginagawa ko thesis ko, kelangan ko pang mag-aral para sa ms, tapos syempre nagtuturo pa ko... haaay, pakiramdam ko nga hinde ako effective na teacher ngayon. madalas, hinde na talaga ako nakakapag-aral. nakakahiya, at nakakaasar. hinde ko pwedeng idahilan na busy rin ako sa studies, mali yun eh. pero sige, kaya to, proper time management lang to. pero teka, no gimiks na kaya ko! gym nalang kaya yung parang pinag-aaksayahan ko ng panahon. oww, hinde pala, kelangan ko yun, advised yun ng doctor ko. anyway, wala, basta, no excuses. kaya to, babawi nalang ako this week, at sa mga susunod na linggo, at next year, id be much better than i was... hehe, ewan! haha, may time pa pala magblog!
yup, it was my fault... kaya eto, penalty course. anyway, andyan na yan, and i am really hoping to graduate this sem, kaya sige, todo effort nalang. i enrolled for math283, dynamic programming, under sir nuqui, hoping it would be like math280, linear programming. by that i mean, puro problem sets pa rin. pero wala, kasi sa first meeting namin sinabi nya na iibahin nya raw style nya. instead, 2 sit-down exams nalang daw. darn, guess i really need to study! not that i wasnt studying then. ang kaso, you wouldnt really be able to solve the problems within hours. it took me days to solve an item, and a lot of reading, aided pa yun ng computer. sabi nya pa, he doesnt expect us to finish the exam, kasi nga hinde talaga kaya. galeng noh, at least alam nya. finish what you can, dagdag pa nya. pero what if wala akong maisip??? waaah!!! penalty course, penalty course, badtrip! and to think na sobrang busy ako sa thesis. at hinde sya madali. syempre may defense pa, kaya lalong nakakakaba. at nagtuturo rin ako, kaya goodluck talaga. math100 ok lang, yun nga lang, coordinator uli ako. math73, hinde ko pa natuturo, pero ok lang din, parang math100 lang yun, kaya lang ako rin ang coordinator. math75 lec and lab, hirap kaya nito, buti nalang at hinde ako ang coordinator... hay, ewan, ang busy ng mundo ko ngayong sem... pero matapos lang talaga to...
pahinga, pahinga, pahinga... hinde rin! eto kaya ang pagkakataon ko na magfocus sa pagdownload ng mp3s sa walang kamatayang limewire (wala eh, yun lang ang alam kong downloader), music videos and video clips sa youtube (using tubetv, so walang hassle, converted na rin agad for ipod), audiobooks (kahit walang kwenta, ok lang, youll still get something from it anyway), at iorganize ang lahat sa itunes... wahahahahaaaa! pirata!!!! movies??? naaah, si mong na bahala dun, mas adik yun, hehe... anyway, sandali lang ang break, kaya dapat sulitin... kaya eto, nagbabasa rin ako. syempre, sa pasukan, balik math books nanaman... at isa pa, penalty na ko sa masters, kelangan ko raw kumuha ng isang 3 unit math subject, at syempre dapat ipasa, darn! pero buti nalang kasi for 2 years naman daw yung yun... thesis? well im hoping to finish it before the christmas break, kaya naman siguro, ata, bahala na... basta, dapat enjoy lang... at dahil break nga, tsaka na yang mga problema na yan! enjoy nalang muna... enjoy the break guys! :)
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write for example, 'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.
The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.
To hear immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to a pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.
Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.
disappointing... parang hinde ako nagturo. hayyy... anyway, isang class palang naman yun, sana ok dun sa isa... well, may naka 90, pero hinde naman yun eh... dapat maraming pumasa, yun dapat. is that too much to ask? makes me wonder kung sino ba talaga may problema. this exam was suppose to be their chance to make up para dun sa first exam, pero wala. and to think that i even gave them a sample of a previous exam, which is very much identical dun sa exam nila. guess i still need to push them more...
dont matter much what you will say
cuz i am leaving you now anyway
gonna have some fun just for a change
and you cant do a thing to make me stay
gotta throw away ur picture in the rain
cuz they dont mean a single thing
cuz i just wanna have some fun with some one
so bye bye baby bye bye
chours
kissing you goodbye
starting a new life
now i know that finally i'm dont and through with you
you are not the one who can give me all
kissing you goodbye
no more needs to try
now i know exactly what i wanna do in my life
you will not be there
cuz we have nothin more to share
i have never been to sataified
with anything before in my life no no
leaving you was the best thing i could do
i'm so glad we are through
chours1x
finally
i can see
we're never meant to be
chour1x
kissing you goodbye
no more needs to try
now i know exactly what i wanna do in my life
you will not be there
cuz we nothin more to share
kissing you goodbye
hinde ko alam kung dapat maging masaya ako o hinde... pero mas masaya ako, hahaha! walang pasok bukas, so i still have time to work with my thesis proposal. wala kasi akong ginawa kanina, internet lang and harry potter. wala eh, tamad... or nagpapahinga lang... either way, parang hinde ata ako naging productive ngayon, well, with respect to priorities. anyway, i still have tomorrow... haha, saya!
she who made me realize how stupid i was...
who made me feel that losing her was the greatest mistake of my life...
who turned me into somebody who would no longer listen to what other people would say...
into a person who decides on what he wants and what he deserves...
she who broke my heart...
who made me cry, who made me weep...
who dried my heart of every emotions...
and turned my heart to stone...
now infatuations remain as they are...
attractions are simply attractions...
love, it just never got there...
i was never really able to fall for another...
she who i loved for the longest time...
and i realized that i still love til now...
she came back...
but not to me...
and it hurts...
it hurts so much...
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